new blood!

soo, I got new blood. they took out a whole bunch and put in about 10 units of the good stuff. I dont know exactly how much 10 units is supposed to be but...whatevs.



the nurses kept asking me if i wanted something to drink and i kept telling them no. i didnt want to have to get up to use the pot with tubes and such attached to me. gross and unsanitary, unsanitary and gross. So about 10 mins before the blood lady was done, i felt REALLY weird. Im thinking maybe i got a bad batch- like somebody was standing in the back of a dark parking lot selling their Hep-C blood for exactly 73 cents (Why 73 cents? I dunno. ask my nonsensical brain and the dirty bum who's selling blood)

so i finally went to the bathroom and thought i was going to pass out on the way there- but my mama taught me that whenever you feel sick, go sit on the toilet and it'll make you better lickettySPLIT! But the magical pot didnt work. and i walked slowly back to the room where my nurses were waiting and told them that i felt like i had stood up too fast but that the feeling wont go away. So they checked my blood pressure (which was waaaaaaaay too low) and marveled that I was able to come back from the bathroom and didnt collapse in the hallway. I say it was Jesus... and the magic pot... but mostly Jesus.

hipster Utards

i can understand why everyone in this town wants to be considered a little different. Most people think that mormons are pod-people and i admit that i can see why. most attempts to be different fail and end up being just another Hot Topic reject. And then theres the guy with the PORN-STACHE. come to show these utards how its done! No one else has succeeded in looking so creepy and all-around huggable at the same time. Heck. YES!

Lutha

so theres this guy. we'll call him Dude. he is absolutely adorable. At the beginning of the semester, I saw him by the elevators in a maintenance uniform and thought that maybe the elevator was broken. so i asked him if the elevator was ok or if he was fixing it (right before i noticed that all he was doing was wrapping a cord around a floor waxing machine). he said that the elevator was fine- then he said he liked my bag. I said "I like your face" and hurried through the elevator doors as nonchalantly as possible. Anyone who know me also knows that i say odd things all the time to amuse myself. But this time " I like your face" was completely unintentional and i was completely horrified. Dude is a god among men. his facial features are PERFECT and i dont care how beautiful a woman thinks she is, his butt will always look better than her face. Anyone would want their boys and GIRLS to look exactly like him. So i went home after i got out of classes for the day and hoped i would never see Dude again. but as luck would have it, I saw him everyday by that elevator on the way to class. Sure i could take the stairs, but im a lazy bum and would ride the elevator to help me stand up if there was such a device available to me. So I saw him and admired him from afar hoping that he wouldnt remember me and my embarrassing "I like your face" comment.

About a month later, I went to the Motown Dance sponsored by the Black Student Union in celebration of Black History Month. I was cute. had new weave, new clothes, super amazing make-up. I got there early to help out and the DJ was seriously hitting on me. ok, whatever. So I danced with my friends and made sure the DJ could see me dancing at every angle (no booty dances, mind you. partly because i have no butt and partly because thats just gross and inappropriate). Then Dude walked in...

I made sure Dude could see me dancing at every angle (forget the stupid DJ) and i was supa-fly, if i do say so myself. Every time my group of friends would move to a different part of the dance floor, he'd sorta migrate too. At first i suspected that he was friends with someone that was dancing with us. But im pretty sure he wasnt friends with anyone in my group. and every time i looked at him, he was looking at me (Heck YES!). I tried to make conversation and be witty and i said "I see you everywhere. Are you stalking me?" and he responded "why, yes I am" and i just kinda smiled. so it was pretty crowded and everyone was kinda squished together. he kept bumping into my back and i think it was on purpose- so I just went with it and danced with my back pressed to his. I KNOW RIGHT?! Dream come true, right?! after the dance was over, I thought he was already gone and i went to talk to some other members of the BSU. while im talking to some girls, he saunters around the corner lookin all luscious and pretends to stalk me in live action-mode. I thought it was the cutest thing. then i asked everyone for their names (i didnt really care about anyone's name but his- so that i could fantasize about having his last name attached to mine) and then asked for his name last because i wanted to seem all nonchalant. he said that his name was Lutha. One of his friends said "And you wonder why everyone calls you a liar!" Be still my heart! he lies about his name too! I have at least 6 different names circulating around this campus as i type (Sheba, Cookie, Nefertiti, Boomsheeka, Haylie, and Laura-Denise). He lies to amuse himself at the expense of others just like i do! we will lie together and live happily ever after!!!

All of this happened about 4 weeks ago. I have since stalked THE HELL outta that boy. not the regular super-easy Facebook stalk. I mean the old fashioned google stalk. it takes a lot of obsession (I lovingly call it dedication) to go through EVERY single google page to see if his name shows up. Last week, I finally added him as a friend on FB at 1am. I wasnt thinking straight and I didnt realize until the next morning that I forgot to delete all of the posts that i'd made referring to him. he's not that into FB so hopefully he didnt read my posts that said something along the lines of "I wanna have his babies!" He still waves and smiles when he sees me so maybe he isnt too freaked out.

A few more weeks have passed. I obsessed and now i think im over it. I saw him by the elevators again today. whatevs. We'll see what happens. Ill keep you informed.

Update: He would totally make my day when he smiled and waved at me. I finally went up to him and tried to start a convo and realized too late that i didnt have anything to say to this man. I couldnt ask him about his basketball days or his mission bc i wasnt supposed to know where he served or that his father is kinda famous in UK. Im not supposed to know about how his sister looks exactly like him or that his brother is kind of a jerk. So i just asked him his name again as nonchalantly as possible to make it seem as though i had forgotten and tried to pretend i didnt realize he had an accent.

Once i came to the conclusion that i would never be able to actually talk to him without revealing my stalker tendencies, i gradually lost interest. im taking this semester off so i fully expect to never see him again. thats cool.